Faith and Reason

            Some people write me off as a perfect little Molly Mormon. I guess it makes sense. I’ve been an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ my entire life. I served a mission. I taught at the MTC. I read scriptures every day. I go visiting teaching. I show up to service projects. I attend the temple weekly. I accept church callings. And about the only thing I tried to hide from my parents as a kid was the fact that I snuck “Hardy Boys” books to bed and read when I was supposed to be sleeping.

            I talk about my faith all the time. But I don’t talk about my doubts very openly. Maybe I should. Sometimes it seems like the only people within the church who express doubts are people who have come to the conclusion that the church is wrong. They say things like “I’m just not one of those people who can believe something that doesn’t make sense.” Well neither am I. I have to understand things.

            I’ve toyed with the idea of writing a blog for a while. But I find most popular blogs distasteful. The fastest way to get hits is to be inflammatory. And I don’t intend to be inflammatory. I’m not going to argue basic tenets of doctrine or tell anyone what they should do. I am going to share personal experience and explain what it means to me. You can’t argue with that. My feelings are my feelings. They don’t have to be your feelings, but you can’t tell me that they aren’t really my feelings.

            So here’s what to expect: A series of blog posts outlining some of the doubts, questions and struggles I’ve had as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and how I have dealt with those doubts. My intent is not to resolve those same doubts for other people. It won’t work. You have to “work out your own salvation.” Truth is universal, but my personal answers are just that – my answers. So my purpose is not to give answers, but to highlight a process through personal examples: the process of finding truth within the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

            I have a very blessed life. I have lots of happy stories about the gospel. I tend to share those kinds of stories easily. But that won’t be my focus here. This life is deep, and meaningful and beautiful and painful. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, though I’ve had my share of rainbows. Some of my struggles may seem petty. That’s OK. Not everyone struggles with the same things. In the end, most struggles probably are petty. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t instructive. I probably won’t share all my deepest struggles here (the deepest things are not usually meant for public consumption). But we’ll see where this goes.